i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
