when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
