The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
