No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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