He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
