just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
