Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
