The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
