Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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