i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
