two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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