my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
