even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
