My room smells like vodka and shame
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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