Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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