Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
