No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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