Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
