Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
