WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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