I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Randomize
