Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
