Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
