i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
