Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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