I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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