When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
