If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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