Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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