Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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