His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
