But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
