may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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