great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
