You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
