I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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