STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
