so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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