Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
