Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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