I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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