just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
