that's an acceptable place to lick
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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