my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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