I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
