Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My feet surprised me
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