I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
