I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
