mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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