just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
