Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
