Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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