party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
