Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
