I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
