Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
