he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
