Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
