I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
