I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
