omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
